Darwin Deez

We did all kinds of crashes on this tour. We did every kind of crash. We did the two star Super 8 crash with the free breakfast but you have to wake up at nine to eat it, with the Raisin Bran where you don’t know how long it’s been sitting there, and the cinnamon rolls where they instruct you to put the cinnamon roll in the microwave when it’s still in its plastic wrapper, even though that seems awful dubious. Yeah, we did that crash all tour long. We did the one star motel crash. That one star roach motel crash on that lonely barren wasteland between Tucson and Austin, where the rooms look kind of like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, like, cartoonishly sketchy. Yes, we did the one star crash with our record label guys from London, who only got one hour of sleep, because the roaches were actually audible. But it didn’t phase those of us in the band, because we are experts. We are crash experts. Yeah, we’ve done the three-and-a-half star crash that you have to reserve in advance using Priceline, where it ends up costing less than the shitty one star roach motel, but it’s probably because both of the elevators and the whole fourth floor are kind of under construction, but still, it’s a pretty nice three-and-a-half star hotel, all things considered. We downloaded the Priceline app and, indeed, we crashed in relative luxury. All kinds of crashes on this American Way tour. 2013. We don’t discriminate. Hotels can get you clean, but for the real memories, you gotta crash with the people. We did the Baba Lover crash. Darwin has this semi-vast network of Baba Lovers all over United States, people he knows from Youth Sahavas, which is like their summer camp. Intelligent, kind hearted, active, three-dimensional people, these Baba Lovers. Courteous hosts, who never hide their Baba love, but never ram it down your throat, either. We did the Cecca crash in Portland. Cecca, our girl. We crashed with her two years ago, too. The rare two-nights-in-a-row, everybody-gets-their-laundry-done, everybody-takes-a-shower crash. Cecca is living with Kathy from The Thermals and from All Girl Summer Fun Band these days, so we knocked out the quasi-muisc-celebrity crash, two birds, one stone. We did the hook up crash, the crash where someone in the band is hooking up with some girl in her bedroom, and the rest of the band divvies up the couches and gets the details in the morning. I have to be discreet about the hookup crashes on this blog. I try to be as transparent as possible on these tour blogs, but I admit I’ve omitted my fair share of erotic crash anecdotes. The band is trusting me to be a documentarian who knows when to draw the line. But, yeah, there was more than one hookup crash on this tour, and if only you knew whose hooks went where. SXSW crash? Where half of the music industry is ransacking Austin, Texas to find room and board, but then Darwin Deez gets to crash at the coziest friendliest joint, just a 20 minute walk from downtown? You better believe we did the South by Southwest crash and it made numerous bands seethe with envy. The bare-bones crash, where the guy lives in a tiny studio apartment in Montreal with one floor mat, and the whole band kind of Tetrises themselves together on the hard linoleum floor. We bare-bones crash and don’t even complain. We did the sort of crash where to thank our host we do a private performance of the Spring Dance in the parking lot, for her, and also for the parking lot attendant, incidentally. We venue crash. That’s where the venue is kind of DIY casual and it’s totally cool if you sleep there and they even give you a copy of the key so you can go hang out in town and come home late. In Bloomington, we venue crashed. We even did the party crash. That’s where the bartender at the venue hosts like half the bands that play there, and not only that, but she throws the bands a party, too, and it’s at a giant four-story haunted mansion in Buffalo and you can’t believe that the rest of the world has all of this affordable space while you’re stuck living in New York City in an $800/month shoebox. There is no crash that we haven’t mastered. We’re Darwin Deez and we crash hard.